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  • Writer's pictureWayne Willinger


A man carving a wooden statue

Sometimes pain subjects itself upon us and the unfairness of it all can cause many hurtful feelings and emotions. There is not a lot that one can do about this type of pain that thrusts itself on us when some tragic event such as the sudden passing of a dear one occurs. This will always be painful but the suffering need not consume you and last forever. This healing takes work and can require some help and guidance as in the form of a class of individuals with common interests. The formation of a group of like minded men assisting and easing the healing process is the ultimate goal of these blogs. This blog entry however, is focused on avoiding preventable pain and suffering before it can enter our psyche. There is a huge part that you can play!

There is a Romanian saying which translates to " Don't be a nail!!" What it means is that in daily life you can encounter people who, for whatever reason, are "hammers." They are in a position or state of mind in which they are honed to bash. Don't present yourself to them as a nail (or be a hammer yourself which certainly evokes an unpleasant image "hammer fight.")

what I take "don't be a nail" to mean is to avoid confrontation when possible. let it go! Sometimes every fibre of our being is ready to bash back at a hammer. Bashing back is often a moment of pleasure that can leave behind a lifetime of pain and suffering in the form of a negative memory of an experience. Even if the "fault" is not ours the pain and suffering can thrive strongly. This fact is the key to remember that it's not worth it.

The way you do this is by letting it go for the greater good of your overall wellbeing. It takes practice. Start with the easy stuff, the "low hanging fruit," if you are familiar with Michael Singer. For example, someone is walking straight at you down a narrow path and refuses to move or make room for you. If you suffer the momentary pain (indignance) of the injustice of having to step aside it can be more easily forgotten and let go of than the conflict that can result from a confrontation that has the potential to escalate to extreme levels.

Bear the injustice and move on and watch how easily it is to forget. That is the best thing you can do to a hammer in your life, forget them.

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